Goodbye Army???

We are fast approaching a stay in or get out deadline with our dear friend, Army. We waffle back and forth about what we want in life and what we want from life and what we want for our children's lives pretty regularly. When you add Army to that equation, it basically removes most options and sends you in a complete different direction that you never envisioned. Not always a bad direction and not always a good direction, but ALWAYS a different direction. So now we have to decide if we're going to keep that randomness going, or if we're going to enter the real world.
Six months ago, I was having major panic attacks anytime Army Guy mentioned the words "get out" or "done with Army". He was in the midst of a horrid unit and I was in the midst of not having any local Army support. But yet, the thought of getting completely out of the Army was the last thing on my mind. I tried my hardest to subtly remind him of all the perks that we get: healthcare, MWR constants (no matter where we go, every post has something), constant change (don't like your boss? just wait a year...it'll be different), travelling to all kinds of different places, kiddos learning/experiencing the world, constant change (oh wait...), retirement, discounts, etc. Then we added up what all those little perks mean and what we would need to make in the outside world to compensate for all of our little perks. Turns out that figure was higher then either one of us anticipated. And then we were in the middle of a PCS and so it just kind of got dropped.

And now, here we are, Army Guy exchanging information with headhunters, prepping his resume, talking about what it would take to stay in the Army, and I'm not having any panic attacks anymore.

There wasn't a significant event that soothed my panic attacks. It wasn't an Oprah "Ah-Ha!" moment. It's just the little things. My support system isn't local--it's wherever the Army send their husbands and in Texas. I have a few friends here--fewer then anticipated at this point, but I'm okay with that. I'm not involved in anything here (mostly due to the screaming hysterics of Sam-I-Am and my inability to communicate effectively with the CDC staff regarding her well-being, but yah that's a whole other rant). The kids adapted instantaneously--making friends within a few days of being here, which soothed my fear of them being the new  kids some place else. It's as if I've gone from being Army-Centric to Family-Centric and in doing so, lost my fear of life without Army. Don't get me wrong, I'm still cautious about life without Army--the job market isn't the best and whatnot, but it's not a stifling type of fear.

The ironic thing is that our post has the reputation for making people want to get out of the Army, but it's the farthest thing from our reasons. I love it here--Army Guy is able to walk kiddos to school for at least one week every month, he finally has a schedule that is more then 1 week out (I could actually make vacation plans AND book them!), and the people he works with are sane/normal/not self-absorbed. It's what lies AFTER this that has us second guessing our Army life. It's the budget cuts, the 24/7 on-call, the random "oh hey, we need you train this weekend...", the lack of advancement for the next several years. We actually laughed when we realized it's not the typical reasons for wanting to get out that are making us thinking about getting out. Most people will tell you they want out because they want to be closer to family, they want to spend more time at home and are tired of deployments, they want to be paid more, etc. While those things are important, they aren't our motivating factors. :)

The kids have adjusted well here. There were bumps in the road, but as they get older, there will be more bumps and the thought of being able to smooth out those bumps in one or two locations over the rest of their school lives instead of at least 6 locations, is appealing. The thought of having a house that I chose, instead of a house that was assigned to me is appealing.  I don't imagine us getting out of the Army and staying in one location for the rest of our lives. I expect more moves, but they'd be more on our terms then our current lifestyle. The idea of being able to go to college after Sam-I-Am starts elementary school AND finish with a real life "What I Wanted not What Was Available" degree without having to transfer credits around a half dozen times is downright exciting!

We've got about 4 months before our path forks and I can honestly say, I'm okay with either road. I've got faith and prayer.